ऍम I

Can I be the way I want to be?
Well I don’t even know if I’ll be able to be the way I want to be someday god.
Why shall I feel like this?
Why do I pretend to be something I’m not?
She deserves everything from me and I even can’t or don’t want to accept she may be the best for me.
Am I selfish?
Am I a hypocrite?
Let me stop here please.
So long.
Is that a bloody missing part from me or my life?
Do I need it?